Posted 11/5/2011 3:58 am
Jarrow is a delightful little hole next to Hebburn (another one), Gateshead (another one), Simonside (another one) and South Shields (Has charvs, generally leave you alone.)
It is impossible to determine the exact population of this cess pit as the rate of population growth is so great. We can only hope a bad batch of Skag kills them off before the current ones are able to breed.
The best features of Jarrow are the A19, which takes you away from here, and the Shell Oil storage depot which would be useful to try and contain the Jarrovians, should they try to spread en masse.
The Viking centre has to be the worst excuse for a shopping centre on the face of the earth, though if you want a tartan trolley bag, 2nd hand books with pages missing and some poor quality plastic tat from one of the many cheap shite boutiques that generate 50% of the total GDP for the town. The other 50% being from the sale of stolen car radios, ket, disco biscuits and nylon tracksuits. Jarrow currently holds well over 10% of the worlds stockpiles of fake Burberry and nylon by mass alone, and 22% of the UK’s supply of fake gold Sovereign rings.
Jarrow’s claim to fame is that it contains the world’s only 2-platform public toilet. This is located at the local Metro station. An entry fee may apply is “Carney”, “Dekka”, “Dave” or “MC Nobbo” are present. The price can range between Metro fare to South Shields or your shoes.
Jarrow is actually a fascinating social experiment, presumably to see what would happen if some of the nicer parts of the world were to be devastated by nuclear war. The result is a race of people who value Pound coins more than life itself, worship fire in the form of burning Vauxhall Novas or Renault Clios, and tuck their trousers into their sports socks to protect them from the oily chain of the bike they are about to steal.
The people are very hostile about their “lands” and verbally and physically abuse anyone who they believe is non local and appears to have valuables on their person. Increasingly children are getting involved in the protection of the land and particularly favour bridges, wooded areas and underpasses. They claim these as “Dens” and often try to intimidate anyone unlucky enough to stray inside with a string of incomprehensible insults.
The town centre is boarded up at the periphery, and is a classic example of bookies,banks,bakers,bars and bargain shops that some towns have now become. Now socially, the town is hopeless. It used to have 4 or 5 nightclubs but now has one, the grotty Liquid in Eastgate Street. Eastgate Street is the social centre of the town with strings of chav bars and unhygienic immigrant takeaway shops alternating along the chip-strewn seagull shit-encrusted pavements. In between a few immigrant newsagents where you can buy (unwittingly) fake tobacco and cigarettes and spirits. As you walk up there on a Friday or Saturday night, stepping over the rivulets of frothing urine meandering across the pavements from each alley and shop doorway, you are of course confronted by the chavs and chavettes.
The percentage of the population who are inbred, uneducated and on benefits is horrifying. Strangely the locals deem it attractive to dye their hair on multiple occasions and sleep with their sisters. A fun game to play on this hell hole is too try counting the number of extra eyes the mongoloid population have. The parental skills are second to none! Give your child coke for breakfast, dinner and tea, all accounted for by the state of course. And as for the houses….. well if you could even call them that! If the locals aren’t ugly enough to make your eyes bleed then maybe the houses will. It is comfortably situated next to the airy sewage works for the local area, which smells almost as bad as the coked up people that live in the shithole. The nearest comparison that could be made is the hills have eyes.
Posted 11/5/2011 4:12 am
As is usual, the town is blighted by the effects of unmetered third-world and E.European immigration. Romanian beggars and shoplifters, Polish alcoholics, black muggers and drug dealers and we’ve even had the honour of two of our muzzies being convicted of terror offences. This is of course, in addition to our indigenous Saturday night yobs and dosser-street drinkers which lurk by every cash machine. They also infest the Cathedral area, the one green space in the city centre. There are so many that there is now even a ‘wet area’ to keep them off the streets, where they can imbibe White Lightning, Tennent’s Super-Strengh and Carlsberg Special Brew paid for by us taxpayers, at their leisure. I hope the cans are being recycled.
The place is poor, a low-rent low-wage economy. This is seen in the size of the people, young women especially. They would look normal in Tonga, but there must be a local incentive system to be obese. I counted 7/10 females one night in the town as being overweight. The opposite is true in Cheltenham. Over there, the scummers are mostly confined to one out-of-town area so most of the town is decent to live in. In Gloucester you are always next to a scummer area. The locales of Gloucester are: Dreadworth, Matscum, Roughley, Shabbeymead, Shabbeydale, Shite City, Stoney Hill, Taintbridge, Binden and Sodsmead. Avoid them all. If you are unfortunate enough to be posted there through work, live in a village outside the city, go shopping in an out-of-town park and you’ll never need to go into the khazi.
Posted 11/5/2011 4:24 am
Chavs are a product of American culture, since they all seek to imitate nggers by wearing cheap gold chains and listening to shit rap music.
Newton Heath, put simply, is the arse-end of the world.
There are a lot of piss stained, beer soaked swillings of towns reviewed on this site but I can honestly promise you, they are nothing compared to the blight on the UK that is Newton Heath.
Situated in the North of Manchester, it is perilously close to other “respectable” neighbourhoods such as Moston, Clayton, Gorton and dare I say it, Miles Platting. Truth is, if you can get off the bus on Church Street without getting mugged you’re a better man than I am. In fact, if you can get onto the rotting, shit stained Bluebird single decker in the first place you’ll be lucky. Getting past the twenty or so 16-year old single mothers with prams in the disabled area can be quite a nuisance, especially at peak times. And if you do manage to get past the smoke-smelling, pink-tracksuit and crop-top wearing louts to the rear of the vehicle you’ll inevitably get the seat next to the pissed old scruff who’ll definitely try to touch your leg.
The aforementioned Church Street, which is Newton Heath’s chewing-gum and chippy wrapper strewed main street, has a variety of shops for you to choose from during the day and a host of nightlife outlets of a night time. Netto, which shares a building with Iceland, hordes the majority of the Giro-wielding scumbags who can’t afford to go to the LIDL a little further down the street. This yellow peril has blighted Newton Heath for years, and only seems to be getting more popular as Iceland across the pathway loses out. If supermarkets aren’t your thing, try the ‘60p’ shop, which retains its name even after nothing is actually sold at 60p anymore. But this eternal symbol of scumbag-isation still stands sandwiched between a bookies, a pawn shop and a Greggs. A perfect line of outlets for any discerning day-to-day Chav. Many Newton Heath-ers will spend every Monday blowing their Dole money on the Irish Lottery, pawning their mothers old family heirlooms for cocaine followed by a trip to Greggs for a dog meat and potato pasty. And when their screaming little shit they have in tow won’t shut his fat little face, they’ll buy him a throwaway lighter from the 60p shop to keep him occupied.
Posted 11/5/2011 4:31 am
Finally, I come to the local culture of NH. If you don’t wear a pair of Nike Shox, you’re homosexual. If you don’t shag somebody before you’re 13, you’re gay. If you impregnate a teenager, you’re classed as a local hero and may even attract your own gang of thugs. Certain areas, such as Brookdale Park and Scotland Hall Road are no-go areas unless you drive an armoured vehicle. Do NOT drive anything less around Newton Heath. At least, if you take pride in your car any road. It WILL get broken into. No doubt about it. All children in Newton Heath are brought up on a diet of chippy teas, weed and Carlsberg, the latter two of which can be bought from California Wines on Culcheth Lane.
The coming to adulthood, that point when friendship, sexual and societal relationships fly and fall into order, when you first offer a cigarette to a girl, last generation riches fade, while ambition, regret, and guilt combine into a wonderful summer or two? maybe it's not a movie, or a bbbs, maybe it's your life?
Posted 11/5/2011 5:34 am
Is there a compromise? Yes. There is a long established compromise between Lord and Church. Be a faithfully paid patron to the church and live as you may, as long as you are seen to repent, as Lord Marchmain did, when faced with your mortallity and embrace salvation, thereby enforcing the rule of the church. Your fools; your sons and daughters and their hangers-on, are left to divide themselves among the high and the low.
Not necessarily a good idea. Reading this thread forcefully made me think of how the massacre of Kitchener's Army on the Somme wiped out everything that was good in England and left this scum to breed untrammeled.
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